PMC Spoilery Things Pt. 4

This is the fun one. I'm really going to try not to make this one about Grey, but I'm not counting on it. Just a head's up.

Writing Hawthorn was really about bringing to life that second scene that had started this whole journey. We had to meet the Season Sisters. I knew from the scene that Lex was in a new school with new people and all that fun stuff. The locket tied her to her past, but the Season Sisters were very much in her present.

Honestly, I thought they would play a much larger role in her life than they did. I don't remember at what point I knew Grey was going to enter the story, but I'd known from the beginning that there would be some 'mean girl' kind of situations with the sisters. Turns out, that happened ... but not to Lex. Oh, I'm sure the others would have liked to start shit with her, but Lex never gave them the excuse to do so. Faye did.

I did not know the role that Faye would play or how important she has become for Lex. When I had that first scene in my head, it only included one other girl and I didn't even care to know her name. Then, when I sat down to write this book, they all came together. I loved everything about their little group and the gentle bullying and all the teasing ever. It was so fun to write, and I'm kind of sad that Delaire and Catori won't reappear in Lex's life.

One actual spoiler I will give you: Faye becomes a prominent figure in Lex and her kids' lives. She is 'Aunt Faye' and Holly's favorite person. (Yes, I mostly know the future of Lex's children. Mostly.)

Okay, not trying to harp on them, but now I do have to talk about the drama that is Grey, Spring, and Azure.

First, Grey. Of course. I'm not going to lie, if there had been no magick bind between the two, none of this book would have happened. Lex is so stubborn and so determined to get home to Nathan and Cedar Creek, that she absolutely would not have given Grey the time of day. It also means that the person she returned to Cedar Creek as wouldn't be the woman she needed to be.

Her mom was right: she was just coasting. Her life was on permanent hold until she got home. But life can't be lived like that and allow you to be mentally okay. (Just ask a professional!) The binding between Lex and Grey forced her to live in the absolute present moment. No thinking about the future and how close it was. No lamenting over her past mistakes day in and day out. Nope. Now she's got someone else's feelings trapped in her brain and she can't get him out. Enjoy.

And, can I just say, I love how Grey shuts down her anger about it. Like, she is honestly lashing out at him, and he has no more choice in this than she does. But could you imagine being magickally attached to someone for no apparent reason, but also, they're hot? For a young man, there could be worse things in the world. The fact that their personalities are so similar, and yet their ideals are so different is what really made their relationship fun and interesting. Also, Lex really does like sitting pretty up on her high horse. Having people drag her back into the mud is exactly what she needs.

Other than getting her to live in the moment, the thing I enjoy most about Grey is his commitment. There is an absolute truth that both Grey and Lex know in their bones: that she will not stay, and he will not go. They are both very aware that they have destinies elsewhere. Even when they do eventually fall in love with one another, it's not this overpowering obsession that means they want to drop everything to fall into the life of one another. Theirs is not the kind of love that can be built on. They know the futility of it right from the start, but they fall anyway.

This is probably the only point where I feel bad for Grey, because he wants it to be. In his daydreams, Lex chooses to stay. They choose to have a family. And they go on to rule the coven(s) together. But when Spring asks Lex if Grey will leave with her, Lex realizes that she doesn't want him to. I feel bad for him because he loved her enough to want all of that, but she knew deep down that her life belonged with another.

Which, if you read all the times Lex said the words, "This thing shouldn't exist," then you already know that, deep down, she was fully aware that she was absolutely, deeply, desperately in love with someone else, which is why the whole thing felt so wrong to her. Even if they weren't together, it felt like a betrayal to her.

Therefore, if you're following along, means you know that she loved Grey, but she was never in love with Grey. (More on this in pt. 5)

Anyway, enough about Grey...

I think the character that proved to be the most complicated is Spring. In the original draft, she was a lovesick, heartbroken mean girl. When it came time to rewrite the book, however, she revealed herself as so much more.

In the beginning of the second draft, she's a little mean-girl-ish, but it's more of her sister, Summer, who takes on that role. And that's because Summer is the perfect younger sister that is out to destroy you if you hurt her siblings. Grey did. He hurt Spring in irreparable ways, in Summer's eyes. (Remember: Summer doesn't know the truth about what happened between Spring and Grey and Azure. All she knows is that her sister had a miscarriage, and Grey left her while she was in the hospital right after.) Summer hates Grey enough that anything good and stable in his life must be demolished. Which is why she targets Faye, and has a burning hatred for Lex. It really has nothing to do with them, but she's lashing out.

Anyway, Spring appears to have her mean girl moments, but what we see most often is someone who doesn't cower before Grey, attempts to take care of her sisters, and stands by her coven. She's a person who has been broken, but hasn't chosen to lay down to be buried just yet. All of which is to say, she's grown up a lot since draft one, and I couldn't be happier for her.

Of course, my favorite line of hers in the whole book is when she tells Lex, "You're a temporary affliction." Something about it just hits the nail on the head for the whole experience between Lex and Grey. It's also something Lex takes to heart.

Now onto Azure...

In the original story, the antagonists were clearly the Season Sisters and the coven. They weren't enemies. Spring barely counted as a nemesis. And, in the grand scheme of things, Azure and her horrible deeds were a drop in the bucket that Lex quickly moved past.

Obviously, things were fixed in the published version. Including the fallout of what Lex learns about Azure and what was done to Grey and Spring. With something as horrific as what Azure did to them, I knew Lex couldn't keep it to herself. I also knew that Azure wouldn't let that slide. Which is where the confrontation came from ... and the entire rest of the book.

The beginning draft was focused 110% on Grey and Lex's relationship. There was zero shame in that, and it was so fun to read. But in the rewrite, there was a solidity in adding in the aftermath of Azure. And it also hinted at the future and life that Grey would go on to lead. A life that Lex is very pointedly not a part of. As it should be.

If I'm being honest, one of my favorite lines in the whole series comes from Azure when she asks Lex, "Do you know what happens when Titans go to war? Gods rise to power." It perfectly sums up the power difference between Azure and Lex versus every other witch they come across. And why conflict between two such powerhouses should be avoided.

The one thing I can say about Azure, despite all of the really terrible things she's done, is that it was all for Grey. Since the moment she knew she was going to have a younger brother, Azure dedicated her life to helping him fulfill his dreams. Did she take it too far? Absolutely. Was any of it selfish at any point? Absolutely not. Unfortunately, that's also what makes her life so sad. If you keep living for someone else, you're inevitably going to lose control of your own life.

Overall, in many ways, I kind of wish I had kept some of the lighter, funner scenes between Lex and Grey from the first book. At the same time, it felt more like a daydream. One in which Nathan didn't exist, and Grey earned the right to call Lex by her nickname instead of 'Alex'. Knowing how this series ends, Hawthorn turned out exactly as it should have.

To wrap this up, here is the timeline for Hawthorn:

September 1, 2005: Lex’s family moves into the Grant house

September 6, 2005: Lex’s first day of school; meets everyone and Grey

September 7, 2005: Lex reveals her scars; confrontation between Faye and Summer; Matt calls

September 8, 2005: Faye explains being solitary; bellydancing at Delaire’s

September 15, 2005: Grey decides to stop playing her way; Mr. Watts announces project; apple

September 16, 2005: Lex ambushes Grey at his house; video chat with Matt

September 17, 2005: Lex and Grey meet at his house; game with 1 pass

September 19, 2005: Lex and Grey share notes; discuss Azure and other covens; Grey meets parents

September 21, 2005: Lex and Grey touch for the first time

September 22, 2005: Grey walks Lex to school before skipping

September 23, 2005: Presentation; first kiss; first punch

September 24, 2005: Grey ambushes Lex at home

October 8, 2005: Bellydancing at Ren Fest; Lex and Grey become official

October 9, 2005: Lex tells her parents

October 10, 2005: Grey admits that he wants to create a rift to ease his transition into power

October 13, 2005: confrontation between Faye and Winter; Grey dines at Ryder house

October 14, 2005: Dress fitting

October 15, 2005: Homecoming; revelation about Grey’s son

October 18, 2005: Dinner at Walker Residence

October 29, 2005: Grey learns about tattoo; Lex preps for camping

October 30, 2005: Lex leaves to go camping

October 31, 2005: Lex and Grey have sex for the first time

November 1, 2005: Lex and Spring talk

November 4, 2005: Lex meets the Coven; Summer and Faye Ascend

November 5, 2005: Breakfast at Lex’s with Grey and Faye

December 16, 2005: Azure returns; meeting with Spring; confrontation with Azure

January 3, 2006: Lex and Grey skip school; vision of an ancestor

January 13, 2006: visions of a young Azure

January 26, 2006: Lex discovers the hiding place of Azure’s Grimoire

March 3, 2006: Meeting with Spring

March 23, 2006: Lex’s eighteenth birthday

April 24, 2006: Close on the house

April 26, 2006: Lex’s parents visit Colorado

May 1, 2006: Lex and Grey have sex beneath the hawthorn tree; conceive baby

May 2, 2006: Confrontation with Grey over pregnancy; Lex goes home