Burnt Out

Despite the fact that I have a list of blog post ideas, I've not had the time to write them. Therefore, here's a very short, woe-is-me, rambling post.

Spring is lingering like winter did, which is very abnormal here in Michigan. (WHY is it still cold?? Why are there still frost warnings?????) Due to this rainy, dreary prologue to Memorial Day Weekend, we experienced a drastic change from the lines of people we are conditioned to expect this weekend. While business picked up to a steady flow on Saturday afternoon, it was by no means equal to previous years.

Unfortunately, most of our scheduling practices were created to be able to deal with heavier demand. Which meant a very boring start to my sudden 'come in at noon' shifts. Add in the fact that we've moved into our standard six-days-a-week stretches and I'm fairly burnt out, but the paycheck is nice.

The biggest issue with the burn out problem, however, isn't simply that I despise going to work every day, but rather that I have little to no ambition to do anything once I'm home. Cooking, cleaning, and laundry have fallen by the wayside, awaiting that oh so distant day where I will once again have time to devote to chores. What's worse, however, is the lack of motivation or creativity to write.

I want to write. I can feel it nagging at me. Shower thoughts keep filling my brain with things that I never actually put on the page. And if that wasn't bad enough, the constant nagging train my brain embarks on is brutal. There are all these thoughts of other people who have less time than me, who are doing much more than me, still sitting down and somehow getting their books written, querying agents, and getting publishing deals. All while I can't bother to finish a rewrite I've been working on for years.

While not quite 'imposter syndrome', there's a definite 'you're not doing enough' complex. I mean, even now I'm barely keeping this blog going by the skin of my teeth. I would love just one day where I can sit down, crank out three or four blog posts, and then pivot immediately to a project and crank out a handful of chapters. Alas, I don't see any of that in my near future.

Told you it was a whiny post. And now I'm too tired to continue. Tomorrow's another day of work, albeit a comfortable 6 hour shift instead of the 8 & 9 I've been dealt this weekend. Goodnight.